Yun hota to kya hota...?

Introspection is a funny thing... Ever since Chandru's dad told me - 'Son, u need introspection and self-recognition in order to progress in life' - nearly 2 years ago, I have often felt the need to understand the very concept of introspection...

What is it, effectively? Reminiscing on events past? Analysing, in hindsight, one's behaviour in various situations? Meditating upon previous mistakes and trying not to make them again? All of the above and more?

Why does introspection lead, more often than not, to a bout of depression? Is it because we human beings are so fundamentally flawed that any kind of anagnorisis or recognition can only lead to negativity? Is it just me, or have u experienced it too, this depression?

* * * * *

Its 4:34 am and I am, what else, introspecting... Reflecting, rather... Reflecting on life thus far... Considering the 'what ifs' and 'if onlys'... Remembering the negatives - most of them self-induced, others incidental; trying to remember the positives but suffering, apparently, from a bout of selective amnesia...

Na tha kuch to Khuda tha, kuch na hota to Khuda hota
Duboya mujhko hone ne, na hota main to kya hota

Hua jab gham se yun behis, to gham kya sar ke katne ka
Na hota gar juda tan se, to zaanun par dhara hota

Hui muddat ke Ghalib mar gaya, par yaad aata hai
Wo har ek baat pe kehna, ke yun hota to kya hota...

* * * * *

Someone used to tell me that if you sit/lie in a darkened room and just let the thoughts flow, there will come a time when your mind runs out of topics and there will just be a blank... The ancient method of meditation in the Himalayas (tapasya), u see... Well, either my brain's threshold is too far away or the technique is flawed, because all that happened is that this blog post got engendered... Or maybe this is my meditation...

Gold Rush...

The glass is on the table
Frosted from the outside
Ice cubes swirling inside
Floating on molten gold...

The parched throat burns
With desire, with the passage
The mind begins to whirl;
A consequence of molten gold...

History narrates the stories
Of towns littered across the globe
Founded to rape the land, and by evening
Enjoy the molten gold...

What provides the touch
Of desired numbness
Of enforced amnesia
What, but the molten gold...

Iron Maiden playing on Winamp
Screaming out with but a hint of melody
Hits my ears like a freight train
Hallowed be thy name, molten gold...

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
Neat bottoms up or on the rocks
Give us today our daily blur
Forgive us our sins, molten gold...

The lunatic in the cold cell pleads
His last wish, the saviour's blood
Or, as five o' clock approaches
Mankind's most desired drink - molten gold...


P.S. - Forgive me, reader, for I am drunk
Poetry is not the enemy of molten gold...

(17/06/2007)

I dream of rain...

Its a sin to be sleeping this morning...

Or, as the advocates of individual morality would prefer - its a crime to be sleeping this morning...

June 16, 2007 dawned with a heavy atmosphere... Then, it started getting sunnier, and one felt - 'here we go again, yet another false promise'... And then it poured... Its been 75 mins, and its still pouring (writing at 0815 hrs)...

Meanwhile Big Baby decided to wander out... Big Daddy wanted a smoke... So they walked to the second nearest panwallah, wondering about the light drizzle in the air... Big Daddy lit up, and it started pouring... They spent about 35 mins wandering about in the rain, sitting at the local bus-stop with the rag-picker and the factory-worker, the driving instructor and the old man returning from the market, conversing with the two autorickshaw-drivers - Big Daddy talking about the job situation in the country and Big Baby about how enjoyable it was to have rain in June...

They returned, thoroughly drenched, to the curious gaze of the watchman and the neighbours who were scurrying about under their umbrellas, eager to avoid any wet splotches on their freshly ironed clothes while they headed to the safety of their cars... Madness is desirable, sometimes...

I have often dreamt of summer rain... I have often thought how wonderful it would be to wake up early one morning and get drenched... And as Doc and I agreed - sapne dekhne ke liye tax nahin lagta...

Par tax ke bina bhi sapne sach ho sakte hain... Some dreams do materialise...

For everything else, there's MASTERCARD!

Dream on...

Self-inflicted Birthday Bumps...

'The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape.'

- Samuel Johnson

So, here we are. Big Daddy turns 22. Presumably, another step closer to maturity, a job, emotional stability, a job, a fat-like-me salary, a job, success, a job, death, a job.

Are there any potential employers willing to hire a halfway-there (hopefully) postgraduate in English Literature reading this blog? Is the IIMC listening?

* * * * *

Eventful year, the one gone past... But then again, was it any different from the ones before that? Since leaving school, its like the 70s masala movies formula - repeating over and over and over again... The only thing that changed this year was the setting, a few of the actors...

Mehfilein aayi aur gayi
Log aaye aur gaye...

* * * * *

And so, here I sit reflecting on the past year, with a head thats hungover... Thanks to the Bhailog who could make it to the 'party' yesterday... And sorry for thwarting your plans to give me birthday bumps - the advantage of having a birthday in the middle of summer (the only advantage, perhaps) is that while at school, I never received any... And I intend to keep it that way... In the words of Godzilla, SIZE DOES MATTER! Or whoever it was who said that, - I just remembered, Godzilla couldnt speak... Not in English anyway... Maybe what he said was GRRRRRRRRRR ROAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR GRRRRRRRRRRRR, which means the same...

I'm quibbling again... I know... Blame it on the hangover...

* * * * *

And finally, here's to the men and women of the Department of English - MA batch of '07 and '08... It was a really positive change in atmosphere after the negativity of three years with my batch in RLA (M)... I dedicate this to all of you -

Making your way in the world today
Takes everything you've got;
Taking a break from all your worries
Sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?

All those night when you've got no lights,
The check is in the mail;
And your little angel
Hung the cat up by it's tail;
And your third fiance didn't show;

Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
You want to be where you can see,
Our troubles are all the same;
You want to be where everybody knows your name.

Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead;
The morning's looking bright;
And your shrink ran off to Europe,
And didn't even write;
And your husband wants to be a girl;

Be glad there's one place in the world
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
You want to go where people know,
People are all the same;
You want to go where everybody knows your name.

Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came...

- Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart Angelo,
'Where Everybody Knows Your Name'
(theme song for the TV series, 'CHEERS')

Cheers, everyone!

Ode to the Best Pal and his new job...

And so the King, he takes his leave
Off to a distant kingdom to pursue his dream
Rooms to clean, food to serve
Bags to carry and hear the guests scream

As usual there was a choice to make
Between the confusing horns of dilemma
A small new resort he chose over the might of the Oberois
And the wishes of his Papa and Amma

Managing a hotel could never be easy
But who could've predicted such precarious predicament?
Before the King began his sojourn
His plans suffered not an aberration, but a heavy dent...

A message arrived from the other kingdom
Putting his future into serious doubt
'Your training is postponed for two months due to unavoidable circumstances'
His ambition jolted, his smile turned into a frowning pout...

The brave King decided he would yet take the plunge
And fight the odds, after assessing the situation on the ground
Later at a royal dinner in his departing honour
He sat grumpily, still he frowned...

To you, brave King, I offer my best wishes
For success in putting the foot in the closing door
I'm sure your previous experience will prove your friend
If anything goes wrong, move on to pastures greener and opportunities galore

This from a friend who has known you for summers ten
May you attain the successes you desire to achieve
When in doubt, look within yourself
And remember the old Bosconian mindset - WE BELIEVE!

Heaven - too easy!
Hell - taken over!
BOSCONIANS - WANTED!

* * * * *

Suppi, mere bhai, ye tere liye... Go make us all proud... And dont forget the 25% discount you'll give me when I come as a guest to ur hotel... Nahin to fayda kya hua tere GM banne ke khwaab ka???

'Hideous progeny... Go forth and prosper!'