Being Shreyas Sharma...

'Without contraries is no progress'

- William Blake, 'The Marriage of Heaven and Hell'

The man without a face
Wearing layers upon layers of masks, to hide,
To insulate the vacuum inside...

The tub of lard
Moving day in and day out with his girth
To prove to himself his own worth...

The guy with the 'golden voice'
No one but him his fan
His ego a splotch on one that remotely resembles a man...

The overrated underachiever
Undertaking the eternal quest to become a man self-made
Trying desperately to burn-out, not to fade...

The silhouette whose shadow has left his side
Getting drenched in the warm showers of winter rain
Putting on another facade, getting etherized again...

The lunatic inside his head
Still making others around him smile
While the one inside the heart pukes out bile...

"The joker in the pack
Useless for this perfect hand
That you call life, yes you with your merry band...

Its rather convenient for you
'A friend' when you want help. 'a bastard' later
My purpose wasn't your needs to fulfill, your wants to cater...

Ego Ego Ego! That is the label you gave me
So what if I believed I was the best?
There are people who market themselves more, them you never detest...

My life was my own, and so was my gasping breath
And I wanted to live it on my own terms
And now, you leave me to the mercy of the worms...

Fine, all of you can come and visit me in hell
Fuck this life, fuck the world say I
Sometimes I wish I was stillborn, sometimes I wish I could just die..."

Thus on and on continues the fat man
A study in binary oppositions, his story
At times an outlet to his ego; at others, self-deprecatory

Maybe one day you, dear reader, will realize
What he had been screaming all his life had been right
Alone he came, alone he lived, and no fair company he got in his flight...

(20/08/2007)

The Gestation of the New Grub Street Hack...

There was a movie in the early 80s called 'Woh Saat Din' - yes the one which launched Anil Kapoor... Bloody impactful movie, with a concept that was repeated successfully in Sanjay Leela Bhansali's 'Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam' - that of the husband reuniting the wife with her lover - in the case, the obnoxious, ubiquitous Prem Pratap Patialewale... Anyway, I digress (as usual)...

A week at IIMC proves the old adage that 'a week is a long time...' - albeit in a more abstract instance rather than the polity-specific one... Activity is the name of the game... 9-to-6 flat out - hell! even Schumi didn't have to go that hard for that long!!! Add to that the amount of cynicism one encounters from one's professors/senior colleagues and all one can see is a bleak, almost-Dickensian outlook. Without the 'humour'. Wherever that was... I mean, seriously, when the first thing one gets to hear when starting out is that 'a journalist always finds a bottle half-empty', what can you think of except - 'yahaan kyun aa gaye yaar!'

But all is not lost. In fact, nothing is. Good bunch of folks around, and the music sessions have started strong. Good weather thus far too - 'the rain it raineth everyday' - or every other day thus far (Trees, folks - the JNU forest gives us the magical spells of rain while the rest of South Delhi is comparatively drier)... The workload is hardly an insight into the Venus Flytraps (Dionaea muscipula) that await us, but I'm not complaining. Yet.

Lets see how things pan out... As long as I get a 2+ package, I'll keep my mouth shut and not trash (bite) the industry (hand) that feeds me... You see, its called OPPORTUNISM...

* * * * * *

Doodling in the Depths of Despondency

The hare and the tortoise
Fused into an egg-head
With yellow bunny chompers
And whiskers of Sylvester the Cat
A bald spot the size of Chhatisgarh
Ears spread wide like an elephant in heat
Twiddling thumbs and fingers
With a voice as if in the dark
That whimpers
And makes the goose pimples prickle your neck
Picking his nose and rolling the raw gold
The financial expert is in the house
ORDER! ALL RISE!

(09/08/07, my first poem in IIMC, about Mr. S)

Redemption Revived...

And so it is...
A journey here ends
Another for to begin
The fat man then prepares to die regretfully
The dirges resound in his wake
Of farewell
Of good riddance
The presence shall no longer be present
'I shall not hear the nightingale...'

Remember him, if you will
Not for what he was
Not for what he said
Nothing
Late of the Faculty
Here lies a man who spent his time
Creating diversions of sound

'Be cheerful sir,
Our revels now are ended...
Our lives are but a dream and a forgetting...'
He doesn't know if and when he'll be back
Waves to you, invisible
A late goodbye
'Fare thee well, my friends'
Redemption at last?
Half stub.

(27/07/2007, the last day at the Arts Faculty)

Into the sunset...

And so, the World's largest democracy gets its first female President today... Just saw the swearing in ceremony of Ms. Pratibha Patil, who, though an active politician for close to fifty years, has never been a figure of national significance before now... One hardly needs to comment on the run-up to her election as the Head of State, for anyone aware that the sun rises in the East would know the kind of contest that occured between her and Mr. Bhairon Singh Shekhawat... Anyway, one certainly hopes that contrary to popular expectation (at least in the M.A. English classroom), Ms. Patil turns out to be an exemplary President... Less likely things have happened before...

However, this post is not intended to be an introduction to the incoming President... It is, rather, a prose ode to her predecessor...

* * * * * *

Today, the sun sets on the tenure of the most popular President in the 57-year history of the Indian Republic... The man who, in a break from tradition, was the only non-political President (apart from Dr. Sarvapalli Radhakrishan) that India has chosen, that too unanimously...

My grandmother, who played an active part in the Quit India Movement in 1942 as a 17-year old, has witnessed the coming and going of every Prime Minister and President in our independent history... I asked her today, as to where she would rate the incumbent President among his predecessors - she said without a moment's hesitation - right at the top. Her reasons were simple enough - 'we Indians tend to look back a lot more than we look forward - and here was a man who kept looking at 2020 rather than 1947; who preferred Ignited Minds over heated debates; who realised the potential of the 60% population under the age of thirty and targeted them in his vision etc... Add to that the fact that he acted independently and strongly over some controversial parliamentary legislations and you have the best of the lot that I've seen, and that means everyone...'

Yes, there has been the odd Afzal Guru matter (which is possibly still at the Home Office), coupled with the fact that in the early part of his tenure, he struggled a bit to learn the ropes of politics, but which President, or for that matter ANY PUBLIC FIGURE in this country, could've possibly galvanised the public behind him this way and made them subscribe to his vision?

Which President thus far has fulfilled his billing as the Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces to the letter? The lasting memories from his tenure, to my mind, would be his Supersonic flight, his visit to frozen Siachen, and his submarine-sojourn... That, and the estimated 500,000 children whom he PERSONALLY met during his tenure...

And now, as he heads out of Rashtrapati Bhawan and on to his stated desire of returning to teaching science, here's to the man who sits on the floor at a journalistic debate and shakes some sense into the wider public consciousness... Fare thee well, Dr. Avul Pakir Jainulabedin Abdul Kalam.

Yun hota to kya hota...?

Introspection is a funny thing... Ever since Chandru's dad told me - 'Son, u need introspection and self-recognition in order to progress in life' - nearly 2 years ago, I have often felt the need to understand the very concept of introspection...

What is it, effectively? Reminiscing on events past? Analysing, in hindsight, one's behaviour in various situations? Meditating upon previous mistakes and trying not to make them again? All of the above and more?

Why does introspection lead, more often than not, to a bout of depression? Is it because we human beings are so fundamentally flawed that any kind of anagnorisis or recognition can only lead to negativity? Is it just me, or have u experienced it too, this depression?

* * * * *

Its 4:34 am and I am, what else, introspecting... Reflecting, rather... Reflecting on life thus far... Considering the 'what ifs' and 'if onlys'... Remembering the negatives - most of them self-induced, others incidental; trying to remember the positives but suffering, apparently, from a bout of selective amnesia...

Na tha kuch to Khuda tha, kuch na hota to Khuda hota
Duboya mujhko hone ne, na hota main to kya hota

Hua jab gham se yun behis, to gham kya sar ke katne ka
Na hota gar juda tan se, to zaanun par dhara hota

Hui muddat ke Ghalib mar gaya, par yaad aata hai
Wo har ek baat pe kehna, ke yun hota to kya hota...

* * * * *

Someone used to tell me that if you sit/lie in a darkened room and just let the thoughts flow, there will come a time when your mind runs out of topics and there will just be a blank... The ancient method of meditation in the Himalayas (tapasya), u see... Well, either my brain's threshold is too far away or the technique is flawed, because all that happened is that this blog post got engendered... Or maybe this is my meditation...