That's how long it has been since I last wrote... Believe me, let alone this blog, I haven't WRITTEN for that long... Which is why it comes as a bit of a surprise, especially to me, that I am back here, tapping out words at an alarming rate, given the fact that the clock has already struck four.
Maybe Archies Gallery should take out commemorative cards for this too...
Perhaps what did bring me back here was a chance encounter with this blog again last week... When I set about reading those old poems, those old posts, soaking in the old emotions once again... Trying to understand the whys and hows of all those pieces that had poured out of me that long ago... Some things sounded downright funny, others took me back to the events that were detailed therein, or the thoughts that engendered those words...
Today, I stand here, making a living out of those very words that were honed here...
And I look back at the vast expanse that spreads before me, creating a landscape of memories...
If I am honest, I have neither felt the need nor the urge to write anything in these past 14 months... Shit, as I am wont to say, has not been flying... Therefore, nothing to report... After all, no news is good news and good news is no news at all...
But today, I feel a conflict building up inside me for some odd reason... Maybe it is the 1400-odd miles that stand between me and my funny valentine, but the old urge to write for myself seems to want to break its way out of the shell that I have imprisoned it inside...
Yes there is a part of me that resents the failings of the past... How every goal I set for myself at one point of time seemed a horizon too far, how a series of failures and half-baked successes stared at me everytime I looked into a mirror...
Then there is the idiot who still wants to wonder what could have been... What could have been if I had actually worked hard for the engineering entrances? What could have been had I stuck with English literature? Would I be a lecturer somewhere, or would it have been a case of the chaupaal at Bahadur's or under the watchful eyes of Bibekanondo? What if I hadn't trusted the perpetrators of paedogate? Would I have been as bitter and as self-preservingly distrusting of all human kind? What if I wasn't born with the overwhelmingly natural compulsion to lie? What if I had chosen the other path at the most difficult dilemma-fork of my life so far? Would my life have been perfect despite the absence of an instruction manual which, incidentally, I was supposed to be?
Too many questions... But I don't need to answer or speculate on any of them... If you have excess cash, be sure to take a punt, but I do not need to...
For life, in the words of Ian Malcolm, found a way... Or three...
Leave aside the monetary or the beneficial aspects of being a sports guy... I am happy doing what I do, because I love it... I have not had to sacrifice any of my passions - rather, I get rave reviews for living them each day... I nibble on the bread that my words win me, my art lies in my differentiation...
But perhaps, and I use this word guardedly, my biggest success has been MFV... At last count, four people counted me definitively as their best friend -- I count one. She is my goddess, for one paramount reason I do not need to hold back anything... All I need to do is be myself, without any compulsions of physical/mental/sentimental/habitual/verbal alteration, and she will take care of the rest...
For an attention-seeking egomaniac, each wave of attention, followed by a swift kick in the pants, serves as a reminder to soar as high as one can afford, before returning to terra firma when the low-fuel lights begin to flash...
Let Tantin call me what she wanted to, because here is the latest horse this beggar has bought...
This V-day, this post is for you M... Long may it last...
My Funny Valentine
~ By Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart; Vocals by Frank Sinatra
My funny Valentine
Sweet comic Valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable, unphotographable
Yet you're my favorite work of art
Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak?
When you open it to speak, are you smart?
But don't change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little Valentine, stay
Each day is Valentine's Day...
Sweet comic Valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable, unphotographable
Yet you're my favorite work of art
Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak?
When you open it to speak, are you smart?
But don't change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little Valentine, stay
Each day is Valentine's Day...
